Wingers Ain't Funny (UPDATED)

So, the main reason these motherfuckers aren't funny is that their entire reason for being is to behave like the cackling Gremlins from the eponymous films of the early 80's. They seem to exist only to smash and destroy and belittle and otherwise gleefully wreck the whole notion of civility. It's much more fun, I suppose, to act like a poo-flinging monkey than a grown-up who understands that sometimes people will disagree, and that's OK. Their only real joy in life comes from acting like a bully against whoever they decide to gang up on. The usual target is a liberal, since in their pinched, dessicated world "liberal" is tantamount to "wimp", "pussy" or "weakling." Malicious offense is fun for the whole family.

Glenn McCoy's cartoon here is just simply not funny. At all. I ran across it at Slate.com's Cagle Cartoons, far from the first unfunny "conservative" cartoon I saw, just the final one that pissed me off enough to knock together a blog post. This POS cartoon perfectly illustrates the winger mindset crystallized by Atrios when he wrote this:

It's long been the case that what really gets the Republican base excited is anything that pisses off liberals. There are genuine policy differences, of course, but to get an audience of Republicans on their feet and cheering you need to mention something, no matter how pointless, which pisses of liberals. It's the glue that keeps them together.

'Nuff said.

UPDATE:
Last night, I threw together the above post in a wicked fuckin' hurry, so I wasn't able to be as thorough as I wanted to be in my analysis of the "humor" in the above cartoon. First, I want to include this cartoon from October 2003, penned by the much funnier, more incisive and defiantly liberal Tom Tomorrow (he has his own blog, too!), which our buddy Glenn McCoy shamelessly ripped-off:

Anybody see a difference?

I'll give you a hint, it has to do with the items misidentified as provocations. In the McCoy cartoon, his Wingnut Warrior Hero lists three things which are, in order: a regurgitation of discredited White House propaganda, a non-sequiter and a sleazy mischaracterization of a crucial progressive issue which has no bearing on a liberal's feelings about Sarah Palin and thus amounts to a red-herring. This comes, of course, from the manufactured outrage people, of late "lipstick on a pig" fame, so why should anyone be surprised?

On the other hand, look at the items on the Tom Tomorrow list of provocations. They seem quaint, looking back on them now. Everyone at the time made fun of us, said we were traitors and chicken-littles and alarmists and rancorous partisans. Yet, nothing in the second cartoon is anything except true, however dated. The reeling, shambling horror show this country has become at the hands of these incompetent, hate-filled criminals is as heart-breaking as it is unsurprising. The GOP is run by a bunch of thugs, goons and gangsters and the ranks are filled out by mental & emotional children who are either too stupid to understand the ontological ramifications of temporal reality (actions have consequences - life ain't a physics-free cartoon nor is it the ethically & morally malleable world of your average Hollywood action flick) or they are too corrupt to care.

Either way, fuck 'em, because I'm tired of being lectured by fatuous TV gasbags and haughty print news demi-gods about how I'm supposed to be tolerant of them and their views, even as they call me a traitor (and much, much worse) and imply that my candidate for president is a pedophile. Why am I and my fellow progressives, liberals & Democrats expected to take the high road every single time? Why is the onus on us to make nice and maintain civility while the other side gets to wreck and rob the place with impunity, spewing hate and flinging poo like a monkey? Why are we supposed to just sit there and take it? It is almost as though they know these people are over-grown children and, like children, we grown-ups are required to be patient and tolerant while they go through some adult version of the terrible twos, except sustained and culture-wide.

Well, we've been tolerant and patient all the way into the sewer. You ever had a friend over who brought his poorly disciplined kids? You sit around your own house trying to have a civil conversation while they run around the place screaming and throwing things and wiping their grimy hands on your furniture and generally behaving like something out of Lord of the Flies, or maybe some kind of feral primate, and the parents just grin and act like they are the cutest thing in the world.

In fact, here is the American political system as surmised in one scene from "Raising Arizona":